HE blamed ME

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It is the wish of most young ladies to meet the man who will effortlessly sweep them off their feet. The man, who does the right thing, says the right thing all at the right time. The man we can boldly call "The true love of my life", "My knight in shining armour", and all those sweet and mushy names that are dear and special to us. Did you just fantasize about it? Of course, you did. Lol.

That was my case when I met Andrew. 

Andrew was a perfect gentleman although he had few flaws but he could do no wrong in my eyes. He always had the right words to say and I loved it! It was even more beautiful whenever he tells me sweet nothings. Believe me when I say I was swayed and my heart only beat for him... there were other suitors but Andy (as I call him) was second to none.

It wasn't a surprise when I started dreaming of a beautiful wedding with Andy. What fantastic memory and what beautiful life we will have with our kids. Andy also helped to fuel the fire as he joined me in this fantasy process... Damn! I love this man; this was me every time his thought crossed my mind.

Oh well, like I always wished and hoped for, we had a beautiful wedding. It was such a delight that major wedding tabloids had mind-blowing things to say about it. 

You must be thinking my beautiful fantasy was gradually becoming my reality... *sigh* I thought so too but what came after that was a huge shocker; it was nothing close to what I had thought my marriage to the love of my entire life will be.

After the wedding, Andy changed! The unsolicited insults, the fights, the beatings, the late nights... each day came with an updated version of torment. I became the shadow of myself, I had to be indoor most of the time because how do I explain to everyone the bruises on my swollen face and broken arm every now and then.

I hated the realization that I married my enemy... how can someone who once professed undying love to me look straight into my eyes and plunge a knife right into my heart without any remorse. Even the Devil will fright but not this one. 

Andy also had a beautiful facade he showed to the world and this made it difficult for anyone to believe me when I talked about the dangers I was facing in my marriage. To everyone, he was a saint and was loved. They all believed I was exaggerating!. If only they took time to dissect the true nature of his soul and discover the filth and maggots that were stored in there. I wouldn't blame them, I obviously fell in love with his facade without taking time to also discover what was beneath his beautiful.

There were days, I would cry to my family, friends and even my Pastor but they all kept saying the same thing!!!. They will say "...I don't believe all you have said but if this is true, you have to go back to your husband. Show him more love. Adore him but most importantly, be patient with him. You see, men come with a lot of gabbage, it is the duty of the woman to mould the man the way she wants... she has to prune him with patience, love and understanding. There is no family without a bad side. My dear, this is your cross, you have to bear it"... they went further to say "marriage is an institution of learning, you keep learning. You need to keep praying for your home. On no account must you allow the enemy have a grip over your marriage. Pray on your knees, pray while sitting, pray while standing, pray without ceasing. Fight for your marriage". 

All those words of "encouragement" but none managed to explain to me why my marriage had to come with so much battles to overcome. "Why did it have to feel like a battlefield...".

I stopped seeking counsel from people, because, the more I applied their words of wisdom, the worse Andy treats me. 

With time, I learnt a special Endurance skill that can only be acquired through years of pain and suffering. I learnt to live through all the stress, pain and torture. If there was a course that had to do with Endurance, I should be the Professors' Professor. It also helped that I began to read books related to Endurance and Patience in marriage (reading these books was a safe haven for me).

Our marriage was blessed with two beautiful and smart kids; Chris and Isabel. The kids gave me more reason to stick with Andy but it was sad knowing my kids were seeing all the events happening in the house.

With time, Chris began to stand up against his father whenever he tries to hit me. The hatred Chris had for his father was becoming too overwhelming and disturbing. There were times, I would beg Chris to let go of this hate and leave me to bear the torture but he will always object to my plea.

On a particular day, Chris walked up to me and said "if things get out of hand than it already is, you will be the one to blame. Why can't you read between the lines and leave". It was a rude shock to me because never in my history of trying to seek solace from friends and family has anyone ever come out straight with me this way. I didn't know what to say, think or how to react. I was numb.

Everyday, I'll say to myself... I survived today, I should be able to survive tomorrow. Except for this particular day, survival wasn't in my place to decide.

Andy was home earlier than usual. The kids were home too. He called me to the bedroom. This was strange. Everything felt strange; I could sense that something was about to go wrong but my intuition was too weak to show me signs of a possible scenario. However, nothing prepared me for the event that unfolded.

The kids must have heard my shout from their room with the way they rushed in.

Few minutes to this time, Andy broke a strange news to me. Would you believe, Andy told me he was getting married to his Secretary and mentioned she had to live with us except that "us" was excluding me, his wife!. That wasn't the shocker, he asked that I leave without the kids and offered me a cheque of N2,000,000.00 (Two Million Naira).

How wicked can he be to think my marriage to him of over 20 years with the most amazing kids was worth such amount. No amount can compensate me for the sacrifice I put into the marriage, the endless physical and mental torture Andy put me through, the cries that made me change my pillow cover every morning because it was wet with tears from the night before. How did we get here? I had hoped and prayed someday, he will grow to truly love me like he used to before we got married.

I objected to his offer and in the heat of the argument, Andy became the real "Undertaker", the one we watch in WWE fights except Andy was in the ring unopposed. Yet, he saw me as his wrestling competitor. This was the moment Chris and Isabel rushed into our room.

Chris pushed him away from me. Andy grew furious! I can swear that in the many years  I have seen the brutal side of Andy, I have never seen him with so much fire in his eyes. Something was going to happen but again, my intuition was scattered to know what exactly.  I couldn't focus. All I just wanted to do was to leave this house with my kids in peace. I was tired. Maybe, it was a little too late for me to be indeed tired and ready to throw in the towel.

Andy in his fury got hold of the flower vase and was looking straight at me. It was evident I was his prey. Chris must have noticed and he came in the way.

Suddenly, everything went silent and the movement that followed was Chris falling to the ground.  My boy was covered in the pool of his own blood. Andy had hit him with the flower vase. I rushed to him whilst asking his sister to call the ambulance but my son could only mutter few words... he blamed me. In his words, "Mummy, I blame you for this. If only you listened to me. If only you left... you caused all of this. You brought this upon us. I blame you"... those were his last words.

The ambulance got in shortly but we already lost Chris. I had just lost a child, my child. This realization made Andy run out of the house.

Suddenly, my friends and family who ignored my call for help have become my advocate but they blame me for not trying hard to let them know what I had been going through. All the blame and accusation flying round, none could compare to knowing my dear son blames me for his death. If only I had listened to him.

As for Andy, he died in an accident days later on his way to the airport after trying to elope with his Secretary. Good riddance.

My worst regret has become my greatest pain.

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Hey lovelies, please know that I tried to make this as short as possible. I hope you had a good read and you could pick one or two valuable lessons from it.

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Until next time, remember to stay safe, find your happy, protect your mental space at all cost, rest on God's promises to mankind. This too shall pass and we shall be victorious!

Sending my love and everything nice your way.💕







N.B: The above story is a work of fiction, all characters and events depicted in this are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.